As the title of this post suggests, I completely failed my first day of the Insanity Challenge. Steve got up at 4:45 in the morning, like a good doobie, and did his very first ever Insanity work out. I couldn't get myself up at any time of the morning, afternoon, or evening to do my umpteenth Insanity work out. I concluded that I needed more motivation than just an obscure prize that's nine weeks away. Nine weeks. That's more than two months. I can't be motivated by something that's going to happen that far in the future! I need immediate motivation! I'm a here and now kind of gal! I asked Steve if he would try being my work out partner, and wait until he got home from work to do his work out. He was reluctant, because he is tired when he gets home from work. I pointed out to him that he was most likely tired when he got up at 4:45 in the morning, but he still did it. He loves me, loves me, loves me, so he acquiesced. Today I will do my first work out while he does his second. On the bright side, my extreme laziness has given him the leg up, and therefore extra motivation to out do me. At the rate my attitude toward Insanity, and weight loss in general, is going, he won't have to put forth much effort at all to out do me. *sigh* But he does love me, love me, love me, so he is going to help me today. I don't know about tomorrow, but today he will help.
My mental attitude toward weight loss is not surprising. My mental attitude is the same as countless others who have previously tried, in vain, to loose weight. If you read any weight loss books, or go through any weight loss program, they all begin with the same words.
"The reason you failed before is that you didn't make a lifestyle change. Our program is a lifestyle, and therefore guarantees success! Just change a few parameters of your existing lifestyle, and you will be thin and healthy in no time!"
Even though you already know what these parameters of your existing lifestyle are that you must change, I'm going to list them here the way they would be listed in any weight loss book, or program if they were being completely honest.
1. Do not eat or drink anything that gives you joy or pleasure. If you derive joy or pleasure out of something you've put in your mouth, for the love of Fred, SPIT IT OUT!!! Keep in mind that the word "palatable" is a word only fat people value. Food is fuel, and fuel is not tasty, it's a tool. You must fuel your body with joyless food and beverage at least six times a day. Eating this many times a day won't at all hinder you from getting any work done. You need to learn to multi task anyway.
2. Embrace hunger! Hunger is your friend! Yes, I know you are eating constantly, but if you ever fill up on any of those "fueling sessions" then you're doing it wrong.
3. Exercise until you vomit, and do it every day. It doesn't matter what you do, or how long you do it, as long as the end result is puke. Do you need to join a gym? That's completely up to you. Can you drive yourself hard enough to vomit on your own, or do you need a fitness nazi to help drive you that hard? The choice is yours. Can't fit this into your schedule? Change your schedule to work around your fitness. Your boss won't mind a bit. In fact, he/she will admire your tenacity.
4. Sleep at least 8-10 hours within a 24 hour period. Preferably all at once. If you need to go to bed before the kids do, and get up after they are already at school in order to get in all 8-10 hours, go ahead. Your family, and job, will understand.
5. Drink water until you are urinating every 15 minutes. Once you have achieved this urinary goal, keep drinking water so that you can keep up the urinary pace. Your co-workers won't mind your constant trips to the bathroom one bit.
See? Easy weight loss plan! Go ahead, make this your lifestyle. Your family, friends, and job will love you for your efforts!
And I wonder why I'm still fat!
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