For the past nine months, I have been attempting to get Nathan out of diapers. He is now three years and about three months old, and is still in diapers. I've done this potty training thing twice before. This is not my first rodeo, so to speak. Between my experiences with Gabriel and Annalise, and my experience with two years of preschool children, I've got quite an arsenal of techniques and tricks built up. The bottom line on potty training is this: It takes 20% skill, 80% will to be successfully trained. Obviously, going potty in the potty isn't a process that takes years of education and training. It's pretty straight forward. Five easy steps, really.
1. Sit on the potty
2. Put your potty in the potty
3. Wipe
4. Flush
5. Wash hands
There are some getting undressed and dressed issues that the adult in charge takes care of at first, but those are the "going potty in the potty" steps. That's why skill only gets 20% of the training allowance.
Nathan has four of the five steps down. He can do them with, or without prompting. He can do them by himself, or with an adult (or sibling) in charge. He can do them anytime, anywhere. He can even get out of the bathtub, dripping wet and covered in bubbles, and do them. He's a master! The one step that he has never accomplished is... you guessed it, step two.
Step two shouldn't even be part of the skill steps. Step two is all will. Will gets 80% of the training allowance because without the will, it doesn't matter how much you know, and master the skill. Nathan is living proof of this statement. He has not ever, not even once, pottied in the potty. Not even a drop!
All potty training experts, and just plain ol' moms, know that every potty training technique and trick speaks to the problem of the child's will, not learning the skill. Put cheerios, or fruit loops in the toilet so they can make a game out of aiming for, and hitting hitting them with the stream of urine, (obviously for boys only); give them rewards, (there are too many reward examples to list, and some of them are quite extravagant); put them in underpants so they know what it feels like, and how uncomfortable it is to be wet, or dirty; let them run around naked so they can see and feel what really happens when they potty. The list goes on and on.
When I tell you that Nathan doesn't care about ANY reward, I mean it very literally. I believe that the only thing he would care about as a reward would be oxygen, and if I deprived him of that until he went potty in the potty, well, we wouldn't have to worry about potty training anymore because he'd be dead. I've let him run naked. Worst idea ever! He thought it was the best thing in the world to "mark his territory" all over the place. I've let him run around in just underpants. Again, he thought it was great fun to see how many places in the house he could produce a puddle of pee. He doesn't care about getting his underpants with his favorite characters on them wet or dirty. He doesn't even care about staying in clothing that is soaking wet, or dirty. He just doesn't care.
Last week, I started a fresh attack. One morning, I put him in Lightening McQueen underpants right after he got up, and put a diaper over them. (I thought it would cut down on the amount of laundry, and floor clean up I would have, but still give him an idea of how uncomfortable wet and dirty underpants are.) I told him several times, very sternly NOT to poop or pee in his underpants! I told him that if he had to poop or pee, to tell me and I would sit him on the potty. "Ok, mommy." My plan was to give him a half hour, then put him on the potty. In that half hour, he had breakfast. When you are trying to housebreak puppies, you take them outside 15 minutes or so after they eat, so I applied the same strategy here. When I took him in to sit on the potty, he started resiting, and saying no, no, no.
"Did you pee in your underpants already?" I asked.
"No! Brown!" He cried.
"Brown? Do you have poops in your underpants?" I asked, dismayed.
"Brown!" He said louder.
I laid him on his bed and took off his pants and diaper, leaving just the underpants on. Yep, they were wet AND dirty! What the heck???
(Keep in mind, as you read this, that I've been trying to get this boy to use the potty for nine months already. This is not new material here!)
I proceeded to take off the nasty underpants, and clean him up. As I was doing this, he and I had a conversation.
"Why did you poop and pee in your underpants?!" I said in a not very pleasant tone.
"I want dinosaur story!" He yelled. I don't even know what that means! We don't have a book about dinosaurs. I said, "Look at my face. Does my face look happy?" He had a big smile on his face and nodded yes.
"NO!" I nearly yelled, "My face does not look happy! I am not happy! You have poops and pee in your underpants, and that makes me very unhappy!"
"I want dinosaur story!" He yelled again.
I gave him a pair of underpants with Mater on them.
"DO NOT!! DO NOT!! DO NOT get Mater dirty! Do not poop in Mater! Do not pee in Mater! Tell me if you have to go potty, and I will take you to the potty! Do you understand??" I ordered.
"No poops in Mater." He repeated.
In half an hour, I took him to the potty. He was dry and clean! YAY!!!! He had had an extra cup of milk at he beginning of this second half hour, so I was afraid he'd be wet again. I sat him on the potty. A lot of people read to their kids, or let them look at books while they sit on the potty. We did that with Gabriel and Annalise. Nathan doesn't want books in the bathroom. Instead, he played Leesie's Nintendo DS while he sat there. He sat there for a full 30 minutes before I gave up and got him down. I put his Mater underpants back on him with the same strict orders as before. Within 10 minutes, Mater was wet and dirty. I was FURIOUS!!! I let him stew in his grossness for 45 minutes while I picked up and vacuumed the house. He didn't care. He never once came to me and asked to be changed. When I finished vacuuming, and had calmed down a bit, I took him in to change him. He was oblivious to the fact that he was wearing soaking wet and dirty underpants, and that his skin was wet and dirty and cold. If he doesn't care that he's wet and dirty, there is no incentive to go potty on the potty. I don't know what else to do.
I feel I have been bested. His is truly the iron will. I am no match. He can stay in diapers until he can start changing them himself. I am finished.
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