You Just Can't Make This Up - The Short Version

This is a long and drawn out story.  There are myriad details that contribute to the story that, if left out, you will be wondering how and why things happened the way they did.  However, since this is such a long story, I will write a condensed version first.  If you are intrigued by the summary, then you can take the time to read the full, novella length version.

 

Chapter 1  -  Bee got sick and died, and my mom took care of her.

My mom’s very closest cousin, Bee, died; my mom was with her.  My mom had been with her for the last two weeks of her life, first at the hospital when she got the devastating cancer diagnosis, and at home along with hospice.  When she was still well, Bee made my mom executor of her estate.  When she went into the hospital, she gave my mom power of attorney over her estate, finances, and medical, and signed the title to her car over to my parents.  When she died, it was my mom who made all the arrangements, and all the phone calls, and did all the exhausting work that goes into the after death care of a loved one.

 

Chapter 2  -  A little background.

Bee married late in life, and had no children of her own.  She was also an only child, but her parents and my moms parents were EXTREMELY close, so my mom and her two siblings are like Bee’s siblings.  The man she married was nearly 20 years older than she was, and had four grown daughters.   From here on out I will refer to the step daughters as Evil Step Daughters, or ESD. 

 

Chapter 3  -  The beginning of the final wishes.

For the two weeks before Bee died, my mom stayed at Bee’s house.  After Bee died, my mom continued to stay at Bee’s house, and because my dad, sister, and I were there with her, we stayed there too.  Since she was named executor of Bee’s estate, and had power of attorney over the estate, she began to do what needed to be done to settle the estate.  Bee had a book, like a “last wishes diary”, that spelled out who in the family she would like certain possessions to go to.  She even took pictures of things like furniture and jewelry and wrote explicit instructions as to whom the item(s) should go with.   Following the book's instructions, my mom parceled out some little items to the people who were there with her, helping her get ready for the funeral.  (Mom’s brother and sister, another close cousin, my sister, and me.)  The ESD wanted no part in any of the preparations, and never came to the house, even to offer condolences, or commiserate with my mom. 

 

Chapter 4  -  The day we buried Bee.

  Around 7:30 pm on the day we buried Bee, two of the four ESD and one of their husbands, (who smelled very strongly of alcohol, and exhibited moronic tendencies, earning himself the title of Drunk Moron, or DM), came to Bee’s house.  DM was the front man, while the two ESD lurked back out of sight for a few minutes.  They had with them the police and a 15 year old will, and declared  that we were trespassing and we had 10 minutes to pack up all of our personal belongings and leave or we would be arrested.   Mom got her POA paperwork out but Team ESD & DM insisted that the will trumped ANYTHING my mom could produce.  We vacated as quickly as we could, but it took about a half hour.  After about five minutes, when the police saw that the four of us, (Mom, dad, Andrea, and me), were not going to cause a domestic disturbance, or refuse to leave, they told DM that they were going to go take care of some real calls.

There was a slight verbal confrontation in the garage when my parents were trying to load their car with their stuff because Team ESD & DM insisted that the car was theirs too.  In the end, my parents drove off with it, but as soon as they left the driveway, one of the ESD was on the phone with the police, reporting  the car stolen.

 

Chapter 5  -  The end of the day that we buried Bee. 

We ended the night safe and warm at a dear friend’s house, but thoroughly traumatized, angry, and another word for abysmally heartbroken that I can’t think of right now.  Bee’s house ended the night with all the locks changed so that we couldn’t get back into the house, ever.  Oh, and by the end of the night there was a warrant out for my dad’s arrest (and maybe mom’s too, I’m not sure), for stealing the car.

 

Chapter 6  -  The day after we buried Bee.

The following day, we did a few legal things.  Mom and dad took the car title, which Bee had signed over to them to the secretary of state, (DMV for everyone else in the country), and had the car legally put in their name.  (Mom had the car added to her insurance right after Bee signed it over to them, so they already had that)  And they were issued a transit plate so that when they get back home to Georgia they just have to take that in and get a Georgia plate.  They also went to talk to Bee’s lawyer.  Bee’s lawyer was her husband’s lawyer before they were married, so he knows the ESD.  Mom and dad explained what happened the night before, and the lawyer made all the right, “Oh my gosh!  I can’t believe they did that!” noises.  Mom brought him the “last wishes diary” book, after making a copy of each and every page of it for her records, and he said that since Bee signed and dated everything, it should act as a holographic codicil, and take precedence over the 15 year old will.

 

Chapter 7 -  The end of the day after we buried Bee.

There were a few things that were left at the house in our hasty retreat the night before, so the lawyer went to Bee’s house with us to retrieve them.  He went in to talk to Team ESD & DM first, while we waited outside.  When he came out again, he told us that they were much too hostile still, and he thought it would be better if we just told him what we needed and he would get it and bring it out to us.  He did, and after it was all with us, he told us that we could go, but that he was going to go back in and see what he could do to talk Team ESD & DM  into rescinding the warrants for mom and dads arrests.

 

FYI:  What will be included in the full version.

This is the short version of the story.  The long version includes timeline details, finite details of the confrontational events,more family history, character sketches, and my speculation about a few different moments in the story.  I’ll even throw in some pictures!

Kingfish Summer

Back in April, Gabriel brought home a letter from the Ridgeview High School swim team coach inviting him, (and all incoming freshman),  to join the RHS swim team in August when his freshman year would be starting.  The letter said that he didn't need to already be a competitive swimmer, that they would teach all of that.  It also said, however, that it would be beneficial to join a summer swim team to learn to be a competitive swimmer.  The letter went on to list the various summer swim teams in the area, and said that she would be coaching the summer YMCA team.

I asked Gabriel if this was something he wanted to do.  I know he loves to be in the water; he's been swimming since before he could talk!  His response to my question was, "Do I have to wear a speedo?  I'm not doing it if I have to wear a speedo."  Well, that's not "NO!" is it?  I asked him a few more times if he wanted to join a swim team, and each time he said the same thing.  Not yes, but not no either.  I figured I'd sign him up for the summer team at the Y to see if he liked it, and if he liked the coach.  I figured that if he didn't like it, or her, he'd know before he was on the school team and had to answer to peers.  At the beginning of May, I signed him up as a member of the Barco-Newton YMCA Kingfish Swim Team. 

There's something you need to understand about my kids.  All three of them have loved the water from a very young age.  They have all started swimming before they could talk.  When we moved to FL, to a house that had it's own back yard pool, and only an hour from the beach, they thought they had died and gone to heaven!  None of them have ever had ANY formal swimming instruction.  They can dive down to the bottom of the pool and get dive sticks;  they can crash through big waves, and body surf;  they can snorkel around in the pool;  they can float on gentle waves.  They don't, however, know any kind of strokes. 

June 3rd, the first practice for the Kingfish, Gabriel jumped in the pool with the rest of the beginners on the team.  When he was asked by the coach to show her his freestyle, he responded, "What's freestyle?" 
Two points:  1.  The Kingfish coach was NOT the coach from RHS.  We found out later that the RHS coach had a last minute change of plans and was coaching a team on the other side of the river for the summer.  2.  Gabriel is the oldest beginner on this team.  All the kids his age have been swimming every summer on this team since they were like 10 or younger.  All the other beginners at his practices were between 9-12 years old.  (The younger kids 5-9yo were at a different practice time.)

At the end of that first practice, his coach told me that he was picking things up very quickly and that she thought he was going to do very well. 

Fast forward two weeks to the first swim meet.  Swim meets break the swimmers up by age group, not skill level.  Beginner Gabriel was swimming against seasoned swimmers.  Swimmers who not only know the strokes well, but also know little things like starts and turns.  Gabriel did really well for being up against these experienced swimmers.  The only time he came in last was when there were only two of them swimming an event.  I pointed out to him that that was really remarkable! 

He continued to learn and improve at a lightening fast pace throughout the summer.  It was amazing to watch him at practice!  I've never had occasion to see him receive instruction from someone outside the family, so I've never seen him take instruction and do exactly what he is told before!  I was in awe!  The coach would tell him to do something, and he'd do it!  Almost every week she would remark to me how well he was doing and how fast he was advancing.  At each meet she would give him progressively challenging events, and he would meet the challenge each time. 

At the first meet, he was on a relay team with the three best male swimmers on his team.  They swam a 200 yard freestyle relay, which means each boy swam a 50y free.  After the event was over he said to me, "I made my team lose.  I was the slowest one."
Yesterday was the last meet of the summer season.  The championship meet.  The last event he swam was the 200y free relay, and he was with the same three boys as the first meet. 
After the event was over he said to me, "Micah just wasn't in it today.  I should have been the anchor."  (FYI:  Micah is the BEST swimmer on the team.)

Unfortunately, I forgot to bring the camera to the first meet, (Steve was on his way back from Virginia that morning and made it just in time to see Gabriel's last event).  I took video of his events on my phone, and the quality is abysmal.  Steve took video of all his events at all the other meets, except his first event yesterday.  That championship meet was CHAOS and Steve didn't hear the announcement for Gabriel's event until he was up on the block.  I was out directing traffic, (parent volunteer), so I didn't get to see that first even at all.  Oh well. 

So, family members and friends have asked to see the videos, but they are too big to email.  I have put them on flickr so that anyone who wishes to see them can.   If you roll your pointer over the thumbnail, it will tell you the meet date and number so you can see the progress from one meet to the next.  Just click on the link below.

Gabriel's swim meet videos

Ode To My Continually Trashed House

Every day I find the same.
A pig pen, a pit, an icky space.
Welcome to my house! 
It's always a mess,
even though I do my best.

Crayons, coloring pages, animal hair!
Game controllers, and hot wheels everywhere!
Half finished games, and projects not completed
leave my spirit utterly depleted.
The torn remains of tantrums strewn about.
Will no one pick them up and throw them out?
Don't even get me started on the perpetual disaster that is my kitchen!
Just half a description will have most of you flinching!

"Enjoy your children now!"  The wise women exclaim.
How can enjoyment be achieved in this shambled array?

So here I sit on my bathroom floor.
Behind a closed and bolted door.
Hoping a ridiculous hope so high!
That someone else will clean this sty!

Magic Number 40

I have been 40 pounds overweight for the past nine years.  My goal for the past three years has been to drop that 40 pounds before my 40th birthday.  Here I sit, 40 days before my 40th birthday, and I'm still toting these extra 40 pounds around with me.  Since the only ways to lose 40 pounds in 40 days is either anorexia or bulimia, it's pretty safe to say that I will not be reaching my goal of hitting 40 at a healthy weight.  Sigh.  It probably goes without saying that I am incredibly discouraged about that.  However, I know full well that I have no one to blame but myself for my failure. 
Sitting around moping about not reaching my goal is not the answer.  I may not make it to my healthy weight goal in time for my 40th birthday, but I will make the goal.  I pledge that to myself.  I actually do have a plan to accomplish this goal once and for all.

Eating:  I have always been plagued by overpowering junk food cravings.  Specifically, sugary junk food.  Even more specifically, chocolate, sugary junk food.  According to my psychiatrist, and Dr. Oz, low serotonin levels are the reason for the chocolate cravings.  According to Dr. Oz, sunflower seeds will increase serotonin levels.  Since sunflower seeds are an ingredient in all healthy eating regimens, they are the perfect thing to grab when the chocolate cravings hit.  I haven't tried this yet, but you can bet it's the first thing on my new plan "to do" list! 
Also, it has come to my attention that I have a complex carbohydrate deficiency.  I have a gluten sensitivity, so I avoid whole grains, the most common complex carb.  I have hypoglycemic tendencies, so I avoid things like beans, which are the second most common complex carb, and which I have always mistakenly thought exacerbated blood sugar problems.  Everything I've read recently about hypoglycemic issues points to complex carbs, specifically whole grains and BEANS, being the key to healthy blood sugar levels, and healthy weight.  So I bet you can guess what is second on my new plan "to do" list.  Yep, add beans to the diet plan!  Not to fret, I'm not going to add them willy nilly.  No, I found an eating plan specifically designed for people with hypoglycemic issues who wish to lose weight, and I will be following that.  It is balanced with lean proteins, fruits and veggies, so it's all good.

Movement:  A few months ago, my psychiatrist pointed out to me that I have a tendency to go head long and full tilt into ridiculously intense activities, like the Insanity program, as a prime example.  She said that I throw myself into these things with great enthusiasm, and high expectations, and after a little while, get tired, bored, and, most importantly, frustrated with the intensity level and lack of immediate results, and I quit.  Once I quit, I go into a downward spiral because I feel guilty about quitting, and we all know what happens when anyone goes into a downward spiral for any reason.  It's just not good, or productive in any way. 
My psychiatrist, in her infinite wisdom, suggested that I KISS. 
"Keep it simple, stupid!" she said to me.  (She's so awesome!  I love that she isn't afraid to be rough with me, and tell it like it is!  She doesn't sugar coat anything, which makes me trust her implicitly!)
"Pledge to yourself that you WILL do 20 minutes of movement, three days a week.  That's all!  If you happen to do more, fine, but you don't have to!  Just 20 minutes three days a week and you are done!"
I started with a 30 minute yoga dvd that I had, but after three weeks I was bored with it.  I looked on YouTube to see if I could find work out videos that were only 20-30 minutes long.  There are TONS!!  Right now I'm doing the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred program.  Ten days at each of three levels of circuit training, and each one is only 25 minutes long.  I'm 'stuck' in the middle of level two right now because it's kind of kicking my booty.  Once I can get through it without stopping, I will move on to level three.  After I'm finished with this program, I have a bunch of others to choose from. 

My aunt recently asked me how I felt about turning 40.  I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Meh, I don't really have any feelings one way or the other."
It's true.  Everyone has that one birthday that really gets to them.  That was my 35th birthday.  I felt horrible on that birthday.  I felt like my life was already half over and I had absolutely nothing to show for it.  I felt like I was fat, frumpy, old, and a failure of life.
I don't feel like that now.  Sure, I'm still over weight, but I don't feel hopelessly fat.  Sure I'm still pretty frumpy, and I have the gray hair and wrinkles to show my age, but I have found a great hair color, and facial moisturizer!  And yes, I still haven't accomplished anything big and exciting in my life, but not all of us can have great big, exciting, worldly careers.  Some of us need to stay home and raise the next batch of super hero's! 

First Communion

I haven't posted anything in a donkey's yonk.  (I've been dying to use that phrase since I first heard it a couple weeks ago!  Tee hee!!)  I haven't had a lack of blog fodder, I've had an astounding lack of time!  My grandma used to have this little plaque hanging in her kitchen that said, "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get."  I always thought that was just a quirky piece of bad grammar, but now I completely understand it!!  It seems the more I do, the more I have to do.  I call PARADOX!!

So, what has gone on in the last two and a half months, you ask?  Well, to look around my house, not much!  I've had a bunch of epiphanies, and spiritual breakthroughs, but I can't remember any of them now.  I've also had a bunch of really good ideas, but I can't think of any of those right now either.  That's the problem with being a genius, you're very forgetful.  :-P

Here's what I do remember; Annalise made her First Communion at the end of April.  It was AMAZING!!!  I home schooled her for her sacraments all year this past school year, so to me this was a very special First Communion.  First Communion is very special anyway, but the immense pride I had from knowing that I had such a huge roll in making that happen...  It was incredible!  I had a difference of opinion with our parish priest early in the school year as to weather or not home schooling for the sacraments of reconciliation and Communion was acceptable.  According to canon law, it is not only acceptable, but encouraged.  According to Fr. Andy, it's not acceptable at all.  Since the parish priest has the final say in any matter, that was that.  Annalise was not going to be permitted to make her first reconciliation and  First Communion at our parish here.  After speaking with friends and various family members, I asked the religious education director at our old parish in Georgia, and she asked the pastor.  He said he would accept my home schooling, and let her receive her sacraments there.  There was a lot of driving back and forth to Atlanta over the past few months, but it was so worth it!  Her first confession was a little wonky, but all first confessions are.  We didn't know the priest, and he didn't know why we had come such a long way!  It seemed nobody told him we were coming, and what our story was, so he was really confused!  On the other hand, Communion was flawless!  Some of my best friends in the world were there to celebrate with us!  These ladies have been there for our family in some way since before Annalise was born!  They've been her preschool teachers, and they've watched her grow, and blossom.  It was perfectly fitting to have them there for this celebration, and they wouldn't have been able to make it if she had been able to make her First Communion down here.  I felt like writing Fr. Andy a sincere letter of thanks for being so immovable on his policies, because it was so much more special that we went "home" for her sacraments.  I have uploaded some pictures of the day on flickr.  The pictures that look like they were taken by a professional photographer were taken by my friend, Patti.  She is a magnificent photographer!!


Flickr

Random Thought For The Day.

I was in the shower this morning, where I do my best thinking, and I came up with a question. 
Why do guys find it mortifying to purchase feminine hygiene products?  I don't understand where the embarrassment comes from.  Everyone who sees them KNOWS the box of tampons they are carrying are not for them!  The truth is that carrying around a box of tampons, or a bag of maxi pads makes guys look like a superstar!  All other guys who see Maxi Pad Man are thinking, "Rock on, Bro!"  And all the women who see Mr. Tampon Guy think, "Oh he's so sweet!!"  It's a win win situation for any guy on a tampon/pad run.
If you want to talk about purchase embarrassment, try being a woman buying Monistat, or Vagisil. 
For some reason, this is always the day when Super Hot Cashier Guy makes his debut appearance.  Where was he last week when I was buying party supplies for a friend's birthday??  We could have had check out chitchat like, "Hey, we are having a little party tonight.  You should stop by after your shift."
But no, he is here on Monisat/Vagisil day, when the only possible check out chitchat would be, "Hey, I have crotch rot.  That's hot, right?!?"
I don't know why I was thinking about these things this morning.  No, it's not because any of these situations just happened to me.  I guess that's just where my kookie brain is pondering around today.  Isn't it fun being me?!?!

The Antidote To My Pride

My last post was a rant, and I have to say that it did what it was meant to do.  It gave me an outlet, and I felt MUCH better about life in general after I blew my steam.   I joyfully resumed my position, and all was good in my little world.  :-)

My dear friend, Ginny, sent me this video yesterday.  Above the link she wrote:  Made me think of you. 
I won't lie, it made me tear up.  It humbled me.  Most of all, it made me feel like a super hero!  (How can you be humbled and feel like a super hero at the same time??)   Everyone who is privileged to know Ginny, knows that she is an amazing woman.  Full to bursting with kindness, wisdom, and love.  Always seeing the bright side before anyone else does, and always accepting of others.  (I'm not saying she's perfect, none of us is, I'm just painting a picture.)   For her to watch this video, which has a message that is beautiful beyond measure, and think of me... WOW!  I am a humble super hero!  :-)

I encourage everyone to watch it.  It's less than six minutes long, so it's not going to eat a chunk of time out of your day.  Who knows, maybe you will find your inner humble super hero here too.